


I Keep Telling You Theta! Hating Rassilon Gives Me Life!

by TheGypsyAlchemist



Series: If Your Fate is Carved in Stone, Shatter it! [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: 1960s Mentality Vs 21st Century Mentality, A Bunch of References to other Fandoms, Abusing Future Knowledge, Academy Era is in Flashbacks, Alien Technology, Attempt at Humor, Best Friends, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Friends, Classic Who Companions Are Awesome, Cross-Generational Friendship, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Dimension Travel, Echoes of Clara Oswin Oswald, Friendship, Gallifrey, Gender Dysphoria, Generation Gap, Interfering TARDIS, Irony, It's Not Paranoia If They're Really Out To Get You, Kidnapping, Magic and Science, Meddling TARDIS, Memes, No Looms (Doctor Who), Period Typical Attitudes, Platonic Relationships, Rassilon Is A Total Dick, Regeneration (Doctor Who), Reincarnation, Sarcasm, Screw Destiny, Semi-Crack, Sentient TARDIS, Snark, Sonic Devices (Doctor Who), Sonic Screwdriver Invented One Doctor Incarnation Earlier, Species Dysphoria, Species Swap, Spoilers, Spoilers for Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Swearing, Team TARDIS, Technobabble, The Doctor & The Master (Doctor Who) Friendship, The Master Has Issues (Doctor Who), The Master Learns Carrionite Science Aka "Magic", The Master's Drums (Doctor Who), Theft, Time Loop, Time Lord Clara Oswin Oswald, Time Travel, Time War (Doctor Who), Timelines, Timey-Wimey, Travelling in the TARDIS (Doctor Who), Trolling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-01-02 05:15:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21156206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGypsyAlchemist/pseuds/TheGypsyAlchemist
Summary: "Now who can tell me one of Lord Rassilon's great achievements... Koschei?""He managed to get a rod the size of Gallifrey up his ass."In which a lifelong Whovian dies and is reborn as Koschei aka The Master





	1. The Keikaku is a Lie!

"Next!"

The Untempered Schism. The place that every eight year old child that wants to join the academy is subjected to. When looked into, they either get inspired or they run.

"Next!"

Anyone that watches Doctor Who should know the story about how The Master went mad. How he became an insane megalomaniac.

"Next!"

This is not that story.

"Next!"

**BA-DA-DA-DUM!**

_**"YOU WILL BE EXTERMINATED!**_ **EXTERMINATE!**_** EXTERMINATE!"**_

_ **"Run you clever boy, and remember."** _

_ **"Regeneration number 13, we're breaking some serious science here boys!"** _

_ **"Never be cruel, never be cowardly and never, ever eat pears."** _

**BA-DA-DA-DUM!**

_ **"Reverse the polarity of the neutron flow!"** _

_ **"YOU WILL BE DELETED! DELETE! DELETE!"** _

_ **"Would you like a jelly baby?"** _

_ **"Missy, short for Mistress. Well I couldn't keep calling myself The Master now could I."** _

**BA-DA-DA-DUM!**

_ **"The darkness only holds one thing, the end of time itself."** _

_ **"Time Lord Victorious!"** _

_ **"It's bigger on the inside!"** _

_ **"Unlimited power! Unlimited rice pudding!"** _

**BA-DA-DA-DUM!**

_ **"Oh, my beautiful Ghost Monument!"** _

_ **"Fantastic!"** _

_ **"Gallifrey falls no more."** _

_ **"I made it up from the initials. Time and Relative Dimension in Space."** _

**BA-DA-DA-DUM!**

_ **"GO BEYOND, PLUS ULTRAAA!"** _

_ **"I GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!"** _

_ **"KAMEHAMEHAAAA!"** _

_ **"IT'S TIME TO DUEL!"** _

**BA-DA-DA-DUM!**

_ **"REALITY IS AN ILLUSION! THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM! BUY GOLD! BYE!"** _

_ **"When you bring me out, can you introduce me as Joker?"** _

_ **"I'm Conan, Edogawa Conan!"** _

_ **"So long, Ferret Face."** _

**BA-DA-DA-DUM!**

_ **"COWS CAN'T BASE CUT ACCIDENTS!"** _

_ **"Wanna have a Doctor Who marathon this weekend?"** _

_ **"Gradually watermelon~"** _

_ **"I seriously don't get the massive hate of series 11. I loved every single episode..."** _ ** CRASH!**

**BA-DA-DA-DUM! BA-DA-DA-DUM! BA-DA-DA-DUM! BA-DA-DA-DUM!**

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH"

This is the story of how Rassilon became #1 on The Master's shitlist.


	2. Can I Have A Moment?

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

_'Theta left me! He fucking took Sexy and Susan to run the fuck away and he didn't even fucking invite me to come with him!'_

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

_'That absolute moron! _ _He should've known I would've come with him! If I knew when exactly he was leaving I would've joined his going away shindig.'_

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

_'I fucking hate knowing what's going to happen but not knowing when exactly.'_

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

"Koschei?"

Koschei put his head out of his hands to look at the one to give him the news of Theta leaving Gallifrey. Someone who he tracked down decades ago to becomes friends with, Echo Clara.

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

She was giving him a worried look at his reaction. Ever since he told them about the drums existance, it has become a very common look from her and Theta.

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

_'Well then, time for Plan B then.'_

"We're going after them."

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

"What!? We are!?"

Clara's confused exclamation followed by her trying to keep up with his sudden, purposeful strides to the Time Vaults, brought a smile to his face.

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

"Yep!"

"How!? We have no idea where or when he is! And unless we manage to find a TARDIS that's unregistered, we'll be caught immediately!"

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

"We're not taking a TARDIS."

"Then what's the plan?"

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

"We're going to break into the Omega Arsenal to politely ask a sentient super weapon to give us a ride."

"WHAT?!"

* * *

** _Ba-Da-Da-Dum!_ **

_"Koschei?"_

_"Yes, Theta?"_

_"Why do you hate the founders of our society?"_

_"I don't hate the founders. I'm actually quite fond of The Other. I don't like Omega at all, but I do actually have some respect for him. It's only Rassilon I hate."_

** _Ba-Da-Da-Dum!_ **

_"Ok. Why do you hate Rassilon?"_

_"It gives me life and he's a total dick."_

_"C'mon, give me the real reason!"_

_"I'll tell you when we're older."_


	3. The Master of Nerdiness

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

"This is a terrible idea!"

Koschei stopped and turned around. "You're right."

"I am?"

"We can't just waltz in the Omega Arsenal with our faces exposed. We'll have to put on some disguises. C'mon Clara, to the Batcave!"

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

* * *

_"Theta, Clara, this is where I recreate stuff from earth's fictional storys! I call this place the Batcave!"_

_"Why?"_

_"Because it automatically ups the coolness factor. Theta, catch!"_

_"What is this supposed to be, Hmm?_

** _Ba-Da-Da-Dum!_ **

_"A Sonic cough*plot device*cough Screwdriver. It's to help you not get prematurely canceled. You're welcome."_

_"..."_

_"Clara, here."_

_ **How to Cook for Dummies** _

_"This is to help you not prematurely cancel anyone with your cooking attempts. I almost regenerated from your last attempt."_

** _Ba-Da-Da-Dum!_ **

_"KOSCHEI!"_

* * *

**Batcave**

**Ba-Da-Da-Dum!**

"Clara, here." Koschei threw her a case of Hoi-Poi Capsules. "Go home and pack your things. I doubt we'll be back anytime soon."

"Got it."

* * *

_"Your name's too long. I'm just gonna call you Clara 'cause we're totally gonna be BFFs and set Rassilon's Tomb on fire."_

_Clara gaped._

** _Ba-Da-Da-Dum!_**

* * *

"Sir, someone's broken into the Time Vault!"

"Again!?"

* * *

_"Now who can tell me one of Lord Rassilon's great achievements... Koschei?"_

_"He managed to get a rod the size of Gallifrey up his ass."_

** _BA-Da-DA-DuM!_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Batcave-Batman  
Hoi-Poi Capsules-Dragon Ball


End file.
